Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
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