So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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