please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
