I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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