i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
