How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
