Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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