so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
