A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
