WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
