i may or may not be watching the land before time
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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