I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
