Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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