you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
