i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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