theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
