Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize