I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
