You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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