This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
