Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize