note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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