lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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