He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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