Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
