Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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