Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
