I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize