That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
