Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize