Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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