I am in a vortex of obligation.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
