My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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