Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
