I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
this is an emotional support booty call
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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