I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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