Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
