walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
