About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
