Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
