he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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