My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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