he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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