Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
