It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
