Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
