# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
