i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
50% drunk capacity currently
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
