i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
