These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
