We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
