everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
