I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
