our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
