I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
