Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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