great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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