I wish i was in the wii world.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
