mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
