Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize