Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
