You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
