Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
