i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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