If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
