its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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