I cannot find my penis.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
