coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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