So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
