I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
