this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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