I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
