Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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