I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
