I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Best friends brother. Beat that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
