so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize