dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
