Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
