Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
