I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize