i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
