Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
