Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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