So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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