can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
