Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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