You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
