Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize