Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
