Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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